ECHOES

Hello Moonlight,

I found this and so touching my heart, can't stop the tears when I read..

Sometimes I feel hollow inside, like an empty drum. I work, I talk to people, I laugh, I do things to keep busy but it all feels so empty. It’s a purposeless routine… I have no real direction and I can’t see my life changing any time soon. I know this is better than the constant agony I used to feel when you first left but sometimes I wonder, Is this what ‘getting better’ is?… Is this all it will ever be… this emptiness? I know you shouldn’t believe that a person can complete you. You’re supposed to be a complete person on your own… and I was… I always have been… But I wasn’t a happy person. I just sort of ‘existed’ and did things because that’s what you’re supposed to do…

But I never felt inspired by anything and I was never really happy until I met you. And it’s hard to let go of that. It’s something so many people take for granted every day and I absolutely cherished every second of it… but losing it was hard. And I’m doing my best… I tell myself “head up, don’t cry, and look ahead not behind” but even my own laughter sounds different now… false and hollow as it echoes around my empty chest and those are times it’s hardest not to miss you, when I’m smiling or laughing on the outside but feeling so little on the inside and I ask myself is this really getting better? or is this just the numbness you feel when you’ve felt too much pain for too long?

—	Ranata Suzuki